I don't want to talk to anyone. I have removed myself from the social networks and have stopped answering my phone. What is there to talk about? What should we discuss today?
"How are you feeling?" HOW DO YOU THINK?
"This will get better soon." I don't want it to get better. I don't want to forget my baby.
"Maybe you should leave the house"- WHAT FOR? strawberries and bananas? I am no longer craving those.
"You are making me sad"- WHO CARES about YOU? What about my baby!
"I'm so glad you answered. What's up?" Uhm... ok. WHAT PLANET IS THIS.
"Carly, when will you be reporting back to work?" This can't really be happening to me
The only calls I will answer are from my Mom, Dad, and Brother. They are my immediate family and know that I wont get over this. They haven't ever seen me get so close and excited about anything in my entire life- and know that they probably wont ever again. I don't want to hear from anyone else. ESPECIALLY not my inlaws. I don't want to hear from any of my "so called" friends. They mean nothing to me right now. I have my OWN problems and I don't have time to help someone else with theirs. I am focusing on me right now and ME has nothing to do with anyone else. That's final.
"When are you going to get better honey?" Feels like never. That's when. I has been 24 hours since the D&C, 3 days since I saw my baby's lifeless balloon and not much else has happened since then except one shower and about 13 maxi pads. I don't want to talk to you. I don't want to talk to anyone. I just want my baby back!
Carly,
ReplyDeleteI found your blog, I did a search for miscarriage blogs. I lost my baby on Wednesday. It's now Monday. I feel like I'm reading my own thoughts when I read what you have written. How far along were you when it happened?
I was 14 weeks. I miss my baby more than I can bear and I feel as if I'll never get over this.
I hope things have begun to get better for you. I hope you have been able to begin healing.
Read my posts any time.
Jessica.
I just found your blog and even though it's been well over a year since you lost your angel, I do hope you are coping. We lost our daughter in January. I was 16 weeks 2 days pregnant after trying for 4 years to conceive. She was our miracle baby we prayed for, or so we thought. I am reading your words and bursting into tears on my side of the computer. Your thoughts are the same as mine... I want my daughter back too. I'm so sorry you are hurting like I am. I wish there was something divine that could have prevented our babies from dying. It definitely makes you question your faith. God bless!
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